Sagan (Day 3740 - 2/20/20)

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Stephen woke up at 5:00 AM to use the bathroom and checked up Sagan hoping that he might've been doing better. He pet him and saw that Sagan wasn't doing better. Stephen says that they tried to put him on their bed last night so that they could check up on him. But, Sagan kept getting off the bed every time they tried putting him on there and ended up sleeping on the couch. They both woke up at 8:00 AM and Sagan was about the same or worse than he was yesterday.

They called the vet who told them to bring Sagan in. Stephen talks about how the vet they go to doesn't have an ultrasound machine. So, they could possibly go to a vet that does have one and have Sagan's information faxed or they could do an x-ray at their regular vet, but they can't wait until Monday for the ultrasound person to come in. Stephen then talks about how today is the Animal Crossing Direct and Breakfast Stream. They had planned to do a reaction to the Direct or a show after, but they can't do it because they have to go to the vet. After 18 months of not missing any day of Breakfast Stream, they are skipping a day because family comes first.

Later, they finished getting a x-ray and bloodwork for Sagan at their regular vet. The vet says that there is something big in Sagan's stomach, but they can't tell what it is without an ultrasound machine. The vet recommended that they pursue specialty care at a place in Charleston which is 2 hours south. All of Sagan's bloodwork information and x-rays were sent to that place in Charleston. Mallory decided to sit in the back with Sagan for the entire drive. Stephen says that they would go to the ends of the Earth for Sagan.

They arrived at the specialty care place and signed in as an emergency case. Sagan is currently getting looked at by the vet. He has some fluid inside him that the vet needs to drain out in order to figure out what it is. Mal says that on the ride there she would sometimes check up on him in the pet carrier and he would look up at her, so he wasn't asleep.

A bit later, Stephen says that Sagan has cancer. The reason he has been having a fever for 2 days is because the tumor inside him ruptured. The vet told them that the fluid inside Sagan was full of bacteria. The ruptured tumor released a lot of bacteria into his body and his white blood cells are desperately trying to fight off the bacteria. Stephen talks about how he looks fine right now because he has a lot of adrenaline from being here at the vet. He says that Sagan looked fine on Tuesday. Mal, who is holding Sagan, is crying while saying how hot Sagan's body feels.

Sagan then goes over and lays in Stephen's lap. Stephen says that it seems like Sagan had this cancer for a while, but they didn't know about it. They've taken him to all his vet check-ups and given him the best care that they could. They both can't believe that this is happening now. Stephen says that they both talked to the vet to discuss what options there are for Sagan. The most humane thing to do would be to say goodbye to him today. The other choice is a surgery and then chemotherapy. The vet told them that Sagan has an extremely low chance of surviving the surgery because of all the chemicals released by sepsis in his body. If he does get through the surgery, then his quality of life will still be extremely diminished. He would need chemotherapy and would have to come to this specialty care place every 2 weeks. Mal says that the vet told them that it was probably a very aggressive tumor given how big it is and how fast the decline was. They also don't have a lot of good prognosis for it.

Stephen talks about how he was playing with Sagan on the bed on Tuesday and he was just fine. But, this tumor has been growing inside of him for months and they had no idea. He just can't believe this is happening. Stephen tells Sagan that he has brought so much joy into their lives and how they adore him so much. He talks about how Sagan tended to sleep at the edge of their bed and how they always played right before bed time. Stephen says 2 weeks ago, he was thinking about how he had never put a video of them playing with Sagan before bed on the vlog. But, he did have a short video of it on his phone.

Then, Stephen talks about how Sagan always had IBS and the vet said that the IBS might've turned into lymphoma. They were told that IBS could've been a sign that lymphoma could develop someday. Stephen says that right now so many things are racing through his mind and he's trying to make the best decision for Sagan. He talks about how he used to have a cat for many years that passed away at home. So, he has never had to make the call to say goodbye and it's very difficult. Stephen tells Sagan that he loves him and apologizes for how much pain he has been in for the last 2 days. He can't believe how fast this has happened and he feels bad for making some people relive their memories of saying goodbye to their own pets.

Stephen talks about how he is filming this because he wanted some video of the last time he's going to see Sagan. He says that he was still fine 2 days ago, Mal pets Sagan and says his body feels like hot like a fireball. Sagan purrs and they both tell him how he's a good boy. Mal thanks him for being such a good boy. Stephen talks about how he was always so smart because he figured out how to open the cabinets and do tricks. Sagan was also the most well-behaved cat at the vet. The vet often praised him saying that he was so well-behaved and let them do anything to him. Stephen says that when you get a pet, you understand that you have to say goodbye some day, but he never imagined that day would be this soon. He talks about how Sagan was his editing buddy since he would sit in his lap and Stephen would give him little scratches behind the ears while he worked on projects. Stephen says that he was the best editing buddy he could've ever asked for and that he sat on his lap for so many projects.

Mal says that Sagan lost almost 1 pound between yesterday and today. Stephen says that he had a terrible thought that if he never stopped filming, then Sagan would be here since he's here and alive as long as he doesn't turn the camera off. They both cry while telling Sagan how much they love him. Stephen says that they don't mean to prolong this since the vet just came in to ask if they needed more time. They both said that they needed more time with Sagan. Stephen says that it's been so hard just sitting here. Then, he talks about how he and Mal always joked about Sagan's source of power and that this will probably be the last chance to ever show it off. Sagan is a brown tabby cat, so he has a beautiful, soft brown coat of fur. Stephen says that Sagan has the softest coat of fur of any cat he has ever known. Ever since Sagan was a kitten, he had a single white hair on his back amongst his brown coat of fur. So, they often joked that the single white hair was his source of power.

Stephen says that he is grateful that they have this time of calm right now. Sagan is relaxed and purring. He's still concerned about his surroundings, but he's around them and is loved. They both thought it would be best if they were present when he passes away so that his last memories are of people he knows and loves. They are appreciative of the 7 years and 8 months they've had with Sagan. Their time together was cut way too short and turning off this camera will be one of the hardest things he has ever had to do. Stephen says that knowing that he will never be on another vlog is heartbreaking. After turning the camera off, there is going to be a long car ride home and they will give lots of love to Kepler tonight.