I Want You To Be Happy (Day 3744 - 2/24/20)

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Debra is telling Stephen and Mallory a story about a family member that had ovarian cancer in 1991. She says that doctors had figured out that it was ovarian cancer by doing exploratory surgery. Debra says that this family member had just gone to the gynecologist before that and thought they already checked her for ovarian cancer. By the time they found out it was cancer, it was already at Stage 4.

Stephen talks about how these stories about his family members can't be told in the notes section of a spreadsheet. These experiences can only be told through his parents' experiences. Stephen realizes that looking through the family photos is not going to give him that same experience. He says that putting these photos on a website and tagging them with the name of the family member and a description of the photo is doing a disservice to their entire story. At some point, Stephen wants to be able to sit down with his parents again and have them talk about these stories on camera so he has these stories logged. He says that he now has a new passion about trying to document things. Stephen's entire career has been about documenting his life and he has done well at it. He has documented his life, Mal's life, and the entirety of Sagan's existence. So, he wants to document his parents' stories as well while he is still able to.

After Debra and Steve left, Stephen says that they had went out to eat lunch with his parents at Blueberry's Grill. They had been there a few times before and the food was really good. Mal had a set meal which included scrambled eggs, toast, apples, and a grilled blueberry muffin. Stephen tried a new menu item which was a salmon croissant. He says that it was nice to get out of the house for a change. Then, he talks about how he had scanned all of the family photos of his immediate family a few years ago with the exception of his mom's parents. So, he wanted to go through those photos today and find a good way to sort them and tag them. However, once they started talking, he realized that there were so many stories that were attached to these photos. He wanted these stories to be properly conveyed and archived.

There are still some stories he hasn't heard yet. So, he hopes his parents can come back soon so that he can record them talking about the stories behind these family photos. Stephen says that he might share some of these stories on the vlog, so viewers can learn more about him and his family. It also serves as a way to archive this information. Stephen talks about how the past few days have been an indication of how anything can happen at anytime, so preparing is a good idea. They weren't able to do a lot of documentation on the photos today, but Stephen enjoyed seeing his parents. His parents gave lots of love to Kepler, played with him, and wanted him on their laps. Stephen says that future vlog days may include the stories and histories behind the family photos.

Then, he talks about how it's been easier to go through the grieving process because the vlogs are caught up. He hasn't really talked about the vlog being caught up because the vlog got caught up amidst the most tragic event of his life. Stephen is glad that the vlog is caught up because he's been working a little bit each day to ensure the vlogs stay caught up. Mal says that once he returns to his normal work schedule, then it will be easier to know that he doesn't have to go back and edit these vlogs. One of the things he and Mal have talked about through this grieving process is that the amount of time it takes is different for everybody. It's not a thing where you grieve for a couple days and then you're fine. This is something they will continue to deal with and there will be days where the grief will hit them worse than others. Over the course of the past few days, they have been getting a little stronger every day. Stephen says that they are making progress even if the progress is small.

They decided to DoorDash food today. Stephen says that Alex and Hayley had also sent them a DoorDash gift card around the same time Dan, Lindsey, Karley, and Kyle sent them one. He didn't know they sent him a gift card until today because he hasn't been checking his email. Stephen thanks all of them for the gift cards. He says that even though they are making progress in their grieving process, but they still don't feel up to doing tasks like cooking and cleaning. So, having food show up at their door is great. They ordered some takeout Chinese food for the first time in a while. They both have a slight appetite, so they are going to eat now. Mal ordered some shrimp and snap peas which are her favorite. She mentions that Mark always orders this every time they have Chinese food. Stephen got some beef and broccoli and sweet and sour chicken because he likes to eat lots of food. He doesn't eat Chinese food often, so he didn't know that sweet and sour chicken is fried. Stephen says that he probably wouldn't have ordered it if he knew it was fried because he's trying to stay away from fried foods due to his cholesterol.

Stephen says that they got some mail today. He says that they have received a lot of support from their friends during the grieving process. They received a gift card for food and a card from Paul and Amy which also has a orange paw print on it from Maxwell Pepperoni. Nicole sent them a little care package with tea, chocolate, and etc. Nicole's heartfelt letter made them both cry. Stephen says that they really appreciate all the support. It's been really hard, but they are trying to stress the idea of marginally better every day. Mal says that so many people have been great and have helped them with things. Chaz has done a lot of behind the scenes work and all of their friends have been taking care of their food. Their friends have also been checking in with them. Stephen says that they have gone above and beyond to help them. He says that it might be because they understand how hard losing Sagan has been for them. Stephen thanks everyone and says that their support has helped make the grieving process easier. He thanks all the people who have reached out to them on Twitter and YouTube and have made art. Stephen says that it's very touching and they have gotten to the point where they cry less while reading through the comments.

He mentions that he and Mal have been fairly inseparable throughout the whole process and that they spend almost every waking moment with each other. He and Mal talked about having the same exact feelings and how they would feel guilty over smiling and laughing. They had felt that they shouldn't be smiling in a time of grief. But, there are times where you mourn and times where you don't mourn. Stephen says that it is important to remember that if Sagan were here, he would tell them "I want you to be happy". They know this because Sagan loved them and they loved Sagan. Stephen says that Sagan would want them to be happy and smile. He would also want them to take care of and love Kepler. He says that they are better people having known Sagan. Mal reminisces on how Sagan would come to them whenever they called.

Stephen says that things are still going to be hard, but they aren't going to shy away from talking about any struggles they experience related to this. This is therapeutic for them and they hope it also helps someone else. Stephen says that there may be future vlogs where they want to discuss their grief or talk about a fond memory they have with Sagan. He says that the vlog is a reflection of their lives. Stephen says that he feels a sense of peace that he didn't have a few days ago.

Stephen then talks about how he just found out today that Sagan was trending on Twitter on the night he passed away. Over the past few days, Stephen had been gradually reading through all the comments. He saw some people saying "If you ever doubted how many people loved Sagan, all you have to do is look at this" with a screen capture of Sagan trending on Twitter. It was very heartwarming to him that so many people truly loved Sagan and were talking about him to the point where it was trending. Stephen is glad that Sagan had that kind of reach. He says that Sagan made their lives amazing. Stephen is glad if even a fraction of that amazingness could be given to the viewers to make them smile and laugh. Mal says that Sagan was a good cat. Stephen thanks everyone for their comments. He says that at some point he will return to his "normal work". He announces that he is going to return the vlog back to normal today by including music, a description, an end screen, and an outro. Returning the vlog to normal is symbolic of how he feels with regards to returning to his normal life. They don't know what tomorrow will bring, but he and Mal will go through it together. Stephen feels comfortable to end today's vlog with his outro "Let's meet back tomorrow, shall we?".